“… And the one who searches hearts knows what is the intention of the Spirit, because it intercedes for the holy ones according to God’s will. We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose…”
Rom. 8:27-28
A few years ago, one of our priests, Father Ed Reading, encouraged me to write an article in September about “National Recovery Month” with the hope of raising awareness and letting people know of resources for those who are fighting addictions to alcohol and substance abuse.
Last year, I was contacted by a mom, Lynn Cappello, who has a son who is battling cancer and was asking that I help raise awareness and ask for prayers, especially during the month of September, which is also “Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.”
I am now profoundly, sadly aware that September is also “Suicide Prevention Month.” Along with his mother, Dona Elena Guarin, and his family in Colombia, the parish family of St. Stephen’s in Paterson, with many of his closest brother priests, I learned on Wednesday, Aug. 27 (the Feast of St. Monica) that a priest of our diocese, Father Rafael A. Ciro, had died by suicide.
From the moment that I first heard the news of Father Rafael’s death, and I was able to arrive at the rectory later that afternoon, I have been privileged and blessed to walk with a family of faith, although in shock, in mourning and pain, but also united in faith and prayer. Many of Father Rafael’s closest priest friends had been able to get to the rectory very quickly after parish staff members had called the police. I am grateful to the Paterson Police Department, Councilman Luis Velez, and many others who were there for us and the parish community during those terrible moments and in the days that followed.
After calling Father Rafael’s brother and mother, we prayed the Rosary and celebrated Mass in the evening of that sad and terrible day, as we dealt with shock and with unanswered questions. In the days that followed, I shared with the priests of the diocese that, especially during the past year, I had been privileged to spend time with Father Rafael as he sought help and treatment for struggles with his mental health that he had been dealing with for many years.
As I am learning, it is a common experience to ask ourselves what we could have done differently to help our loved one who was suffering. I am very grateful for the help of our diocesan leadership team, especially as we worked on a statement to let our priests and others know when the cause of death had been confirmed. Something that I tried to share in those statements and that continues to give me comfort is the fact that Father Rafael sought and received help in his battle with mental illness. Along with many who were closest to him, we know that Father Rafael “fought the good fight.” (2 Tim. 4:7)
In the homily at Father Rafael’s funeral Mass, in addition to recognizing our pain and our loss, believing that Jesus is close to us at these moments and comforts us with His words of promise and hope, “Your brother will rise” (Jn. 11:23), I also wanted to emphasize the gift and blessing of Father Rafael’s vocation and 12 years of priestly ministry.
In my personal encounters with Father Rafael during the past five years, whether that was visiting him and the people of St. Stephen’s for Confirmation or, more recently, the Celebration of a Mass for the Feast of Our Lady of Altagracia, or in personal conversations, I came to know a dedicated, joyful, and prayerful priest and pastor. In the days since Father Rafael’s passing, I have come to know in an even more profound way the positive impact he had on the lives of so many as he served them as a priest of Jesus Christ.
During the time of formation in the seminary, we learn that, as priests, we are called to be available to serve the people of God, accompanying them on the journey of faith and being privileged to share in their moments of profound joy and happiness and in moments of terrible grief and seemingly unbearable sorrow. In the seminary, we are also taught that we need to be attentive to our own health, whether that be spiritual, physical, or mental health, and we are encouraged to be supportive and to “look out for one another” as brother priests. For most priests, individually and as a “fraternity,” the importance of self-care and of supporting one another, so that we might be as “healthy, happy, and holy” as possible, is an ongoing struggle and often a challenge.
It also gives me comfort to know that Father Rafael was blessed with true and faithful priest-brothers and friends. I have witnessed and shared the grief and loss of Father Rafael’s brother priests, and I am grateful that (at least) six of them were able to travel to Colombia, to be with Father Rafael’s mother and family for the burial of his body. I have also been strengthened and comforted by the unity of our whole “presbyterate,” all the priests of our diocese, during this time of loss. That unity was especially evident at the Vigil Mass at St. Stephen’s and the Funeral Mass at the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist, when so many priests were present and united in prayer.
As Bishop, I am aware that I have a responsibility to do as much as I can, with the help of many others, to assist and encourage our priests to be attentive to their own health and to “look out for each other” in fraternal care and support. We will offer priests some opportunities in the coming weeks and months to come together and be reminded of the resources that are available to assist us, as St. Charles Borromeo said, to care for “the parish of one’s own soul.”
I am sure that many of our priests have had experiences similar to mine since the passing of Father Rafael, as we receive and give thanks for the love, support, and prayers of the people of God. We are very, very blessed, here in our Diocese of Paterson, as is the case in dioceses and parishes throughout the world, that the people of God have a deep love and gratitude for their priests. The passing of Father Rafael Ciro reminds us that priests are human beings, like every other human being. We are aware that we have strengths and weaknesses and that none of us is perfect or has “all the answers.” I hope and pray that the life and ministry of Father Rafael Ciro will also remind us that each of us is a beloved child of our merciful and Loving God, the God of Life, who promises us that, even as we share in the mystery of the Cross, “…that all things work for good for those who love God…”
*** For those who may be in need of mental health support or may be suffering from suicidal thoughts, please know that help is available and there is Hope for healing. Anyone who may need assistance should contact their local mental health provider or call or text 988 for the suicide and crisis lifeline.***
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Remembering with gratitude the life and ministry of Father Rafael A. Ciro