Fun

WORLD — Fake news media across the globe have reported that a mass shooting occurred in Australia, which is literally impossible because guns are illegal there.

MELBOURNE — To stem the growing tide of violence against Jewish citizens, the Australian government has moved to officially ban the celebration of Hanukkah.

Here’s what you should know before going to Virgin Gorda in the British Virgin Islands.

U.S. — Podcaster and renowned private investigator Candace Owens has vowed to honor Charlie Kirk’s legacy by doing everything in her power to destroy it.

RICHMOND, KY — Local husband Kevin Manthei fell ill over the weekend, requiring constant care and attention from his wife Bethany, who is currently much more ill.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has just one message for American families struggling economically this Christmas: "Your kids are bad, so maybe they don’t deserve presents."

Countless families have been destroyed by games of Monopoly gone awry. Don’t let that happen to you.

VENEZUELA — In a remarkable demonstration of martial superiority, the United States military just forced an unconditional surrender out of the entire Venezuelan army just by offering them some food.

Attending a church for the first time can be a daunting experience. If this is the first time you’re attending church this Sunday, try not to stress too much about what it’ll be like to be in an entirely new place surrounded by people you don’t know. Just follow these handy tips, and you’ll be just fine.

INDIANAPOLIS, IN — The Indianapolis Colts unveiled a new trick play where quarterback Philip Rivers fakes a handoff, then jogs off the field to get his wife pregnant again.

Discover insider tips for hiking the scenic Cotswold Way.

VATICAN CITY — In the spirit of the Christmas season and as part of his ongoing quest to bring about widespread harmony throughout the world, Pope Leo XIV issued a proclamation urging Jesus and Satan to put all their differences aside in the name of peace.

NEW YORK, NY — In a shocking development in the case of a killer charged with murdering a health insurance executive, a New York judge found that Luigi Mangione was too stunningly handsome and gorgeous to stand trial.

NURN, MORDOR — Political commentator Tucker Carlson has reportedly purchased a piece of property in the land of Mordor, where the shadows lie. This will be Carlson’s fourth house and his first next to a slave camp.

Raising kids is hard. Even for experienced parents, every day brings new challenges. How can anyone do it perfectly?

LAGOS, NIGERIA — In yet another case of fraud perpetrated by Somalis, a Nigerian prince fell prey to an online scam perpetrated by a Somali immigrant.

U.S. — Americans with cognitive disabilities and other special needs have demanded that people stop comparing them to Tim Walz.

After a bidding war, Netflix has secured a deal to buy Warner Bros. Discovery for a reported $82.7 billion. Once the deal is finalized, fans will notice significant changes to beloved WB properties like Harry Potter, Looney Tunes, and Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.

PASADENA, CA — A family of Jehovah’s Witnesses continued their annual tradition of piling into the car and going for a drive to look at houses without Christmas lights.

The Strasburg Train offers a stunning ride through Pennsylvania Dutch Country.

WOODBRIDGE, VA — Local man Brian Cole Jr. reportedly had his invitation to the annual FBI Christmas Party rescinded after being arrested under suspicion that he was the January 6 Pipe Bomber.

CALEXICO, CA — Venezuelan drug mule-turned-drug lord Gilberto Juarez turned himself in to U.S. federal law enforcement on Thursday so that President Donald Trump would pardon him instead of blowing him up.

Head to these sustainable stays in far-off corners of the world for an unforgettable trip.

EAGAN, MN — In a move intended to better reflect the state’s modern demographics and generate more interest in the team from the populace, the Minnesota Vikings announced that they were changing their name to the Minnesota Somali Pirates.

What good is an amendment saying we have the right to bear arms if I can’t go house to house firing buckshot into every inflatable Christmas minion I see?

SPRINGFIELD, VA — As the Department of Homeland Security sought to tighten security across the board for travelers around the country, the Transportation Security Administration announced that anyone who doesn’t acquire a Real ID by the appointed deadline will be sent to a screening line manned by Creepy Kevin.

It’s Christmas time again, and if you’re a megachurch pastor (or one of the 38 members of the pastoral staff), you know that a few robes and cardboard cut-outs of animals won’t cut it. You have to take it up a notch. Or a hundred notches.

Prayer is among the most powerful tools Christians have, yet like a sad houseplant, it’s often neglected. That’s why we consulted with the world’s most faithful and holy Christians to learn the best tips to maintaining a healthy prayer life. Check them out below.

Marriage is an endless bouquet of blessings and discoveries, with each new day bringing new joys and delights to those who join in the divine covenant. That being said, what are husbands good for, exactly?

Here’s everything you need to know to plan the perfect trip to Bequia.

RENO, NV — After missing out on Black Friday shopping, local man Chris Rogers was forced to purchase a new television for the exact same price but without a "BLACK FRIDAY SALE" tag.

BEAUMONT, TX — Local man Michael Strong looked wistfully out the window, longing for the good old days when Black Friday shopping was all in person and people feared for their very lives.

Time to put the pedal to the metal and head to one of the top auto collections in the country.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — New reports indicated that local homeless man John Brill politely yet firmly refused a passerby’s offer of free leftover marshmallow jello salad earlier today, despite having not eaten in several days.

OXFORD — One of the most well-known stories from the biblical gospels took on a whole new meaning this week, as a team of scholars revealed that they now believe the young rich man went away sad when Jesus told him to sell all his possessions because he had the Nintendo Power Glove.

Christmas in the City of Light is magical, with festive luxury hotels, twinkling lights, and beautiful holiday markets.

U.S. — Authorities issued a public service announcement in time for the holiday season, reminding parents that if they leave their children home alone, they should ensure that they have access to plenty of paint cans, a blowtorch, and a cardboard cutout of Michael Jordan. In a pinch, a cardboard cutout of Shaquille O’Neal would also be acceptable.

Conservatism may be the superior political ideology, but don’t beat yourself up, liberals. There’s still plenty to be thankful for this year.

These must-haves start at $7.

BOISE, ID — Members of a local family are holding out hope that this might finally be the year they get to see their Thanksgiving turkey explode in an epic fireball, just like in all those local news segments warning of the dangers of turkeys exploding in epic fireballs.