Quotes

“Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.”

“This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I’m not about to screw with it now.”

“I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man.”

“When all is lost, ask the I.R.S. – they’ll find something.”

“Never eat spinach just before going on the air.”

“I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”

“A loafer always has the correct time.”

“Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.”

“A crown is merely a hat that lets the rain in.”

“If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.”

“Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.”

“When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she’d just make enough for 16 and only serve half.”

“Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.”

“Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.”

“If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.”

“Nobody understands anyone 18, including those who are 18.”

“I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.”

“What after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.”

“Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.”

“Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.”

“Macho does not prove mucho.”

“I am at heart a gentleman.”

“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”