Month: October 2025

GYEONGJU — Trade negotiations between the U.S. and China reached a much-needed breakthrough on Thursday, as Chinese President Xi Jinping agreed to drop all tariffs after President Donald Trump showed him how to use chopsticks to become a walrus.

Elon Musk announced this week that his A.I. tool Grok would be curating a competitor to online encyclopedia giant Wikipedia called Grokipedia.

Watching or reading the news can be tricky these days. Learning the straight facts without knowing if it’s being spun in a specific direction to fit a narrative is more difficult now than ever before. But how can you tell if your news source is biased?

BORGER, TX — Rebellious four-year-old Brayden Wheeler defied millennia of norms and convention this morning as instead of going down the slide at the playground, he climbed up.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, President Donald Trump broached the subject of scientific collaboration this week with Tesla Founder and CEO Elon Musk, asking if he could come up with a way to supply precisely 1.21 gigawatts of power to a DeLorean.

LOS ANGELES, CA — After Monday night’s epic 18-inning marathon Game 3 severely depleted their bullpen, the Los Angeles Dodgers announced that actor Jason Bateman would take the mound for the team in Game 4.

NEW YORK CITY, NY — Local terrorist Muhammad Mohammed al Muhammad shared a heart-wrenching story about how he got dirty looks while boarding the subway in a bulletproof vest after 9/11.

President Trump has bulldozed part of the White House to make room for a new grand ballroom, leaving America to lament the loss of the storied, majestic East Wing. The list of irreplaceable artifacts lost in the demo may shock you.

U.S. — After word that Kamala Harris had not ruled out another Presidential run, Republicans have generously donated $50 million to her 2028 campaign.

NEW YORK CITY — The New York Jets have begun wondering if perhaps they should try some other sport besides football.

TORONTO — Scandal has rocked the baseball world as shortly after their 11-4 World Series victory, several members of the Toronto Blue Jays tested positive for performance-enhancing maple syrup.

As the government shutdown continued into its fourth week, Americans from all parts of the country reported experiencing a wide range of feelings about it. While some said it did not affect their lives, others were more stressed.

PERU, IL — Walgreens cashier Brent Hillside took a hiatus from his job this week after dealing with what he described as a strangely emotional customer who began sobbing uncontrollably when he asked him if he was a Walgreens Rewards member.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Amid an ongoing government shutdown, members of the U.S. Congress reassured the American public on Thursday that the paychecks of the U.S. Congress would not be affected.

President Donald Trump’s project to construct a new grand ballroom at the White House has been grabbing all the headlines, but have you heard about all the amazing features it’s going to include?

BOUNTIFUL, UT — Local man James Larson made a significant life change after deciding to replace his entire personality with his affection for his newly purchased smoker.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has declared the White House a no-go zone for ICE raids until construction is completed on the new ballroom.

WASHINGTON, D.C.-Democrats continued their long tradition of holding whites-only rallies over the weekend as hundreds gathered around the country to protest what they see as executive overreach.

WASHINGTON, D.C.-In one of his most popular moves of all time, President Trump invited top Australian dignitary Bandit Heeler to the White House.

U.S. — The countrywide "No Kings" protests are being hailed as an unmitigated success as after two days of rallies, America still does not have any kings.

SILVER SPRING, MD — An abjectly sinful four-month-old baby appeared to pay no attention whatsoever to the sermon at Bethel Lutheran Church this morning.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump stated that he actually kind of liked the ring of "King Trump" after hearing the term for the first time at Saturday’s "No Kings" protest.

ATHENS — Activist Greta Thunberg told reporters today that Israel put a noose on her, dumped bleach on her hair, and shouted, "This is bagel country!"

SCRANTON, PA — The upcoming weekend promised to be a fun one for one local family, as they were excited to get a new inkjet printer that would work flawlessly for the first six hours and then never again.

U.S. — Baseball fans across the country rent their garments and cried out in anguish tonight, asking the Almighty God how long they must suffer after the Los Angeles Dodgers swept the Milwaukee Brewers to once again advance to the World Series.

TUCSON, AZ — Ahead of the upcoming holiday, local Christian mom Helen Richards reportedly couldn’t decide if she should allow her kids to dress up for Halloween or have them get into Heaven instead.

U.S. — A new setting on Google Maps was expected to save thousands of marriages by forgoing the optimum travel route to instead direct the husband along the route his wife thinks he should take.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson claimed in court today that all black people are mentally disabled, Justice Clarence Thomas gently informed her that it’s actually just her.

President Trump’s historic ceasefire agreement made headlines all over the world, but depending on which news outlet you checked, you might get a completely different story.

STOCKHOLM — The ceasefire agreement between Israel and Hamas that was brokered by President Donald Trump had other unforeseen consequences, as sources reported hearing a sad Greta Thunberg ask if anyone else needed a flotilla.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats have called on President Donald J. Trump to stand down and immediately stop fanning the flames of peace.

WORLD — Leftists across the globe took to the streets over the weekend to protest the ceasefire in Gaza and the end of genocide.

While many were surprised that President Trump was passed over for the Nobel Peace Prize, the fact of the matter is there were several nominees who were simply more deserving. Here are seven other individuals who were also ranked by the Nobel Committee ahead of Trump: