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MINNEAPOLIS, MN — According to witnesses, federal ICE agents shifted their tactics slightly by donning Capitol Police uniforms so that Democrats would start defending them from being harmed.

RED ALERT! Everything you once believed is a lie. Your toddler is now capable of reaching your counters, and nothing in your home is safe anymore.

President Donald Trump ordered the arrest of Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro, toppling a brutal totalitarian regime. But he’s only getting started.

COSTA MESA, CA — A team of anthropologists hard at work completing a field study announced that they had discovered a previously uncontacted native tribe in a remote area of IKEA.

From Vermont to Quebec, these hidden gems offer Olympic runs, tree skiing, and cozy mountain towns worth discovering.

With the announcement that he is withdrawing from the Minnesota governor’s race, Tim Walz is on the hunt for a new career. Fortunately, The Babylon Bee has come up with the following list of jobs he’d be absolutely fabulous for:

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — For the second time in American history, Democrats are threatening civil war if Republicans do not stop taking away their slave laborers.

WILMINGTON, DE — With the successful military operation to topple the authoritarian Venezuelan government, former President Joe Biden was notified that he was being forced to pay Donald Trump the $25 million bounty his administration had put in place for capturing Nicolas Maduro.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the fallout of recent events, witnesses on Capitol Hill reported seeing one Libertarian politician Googling "What is the absolute dumbest take possible?" before deciding what side of an issue to come down on.

Looking for a romantic getaway destination with the love of your life? Here’s exactly where the travel experts say you need to go.

CARACAS — Following the deposition of dictator Nicolas Maduro, the White House announced that Donald Trump would make his return to reality television to choose the next Venezuelan president in the inaugural season of El Aprendiz.

If you’re hoping to make good on your New Year’s resolution to become a better Christian than you’ve come to the right place. The staff of The Babylon Bee has collectively read the Bible at least once, so we know a thing or two about being a better Christian.

A ski day at Snow King Mountain is the perfect addition to any Jackson Hole itinerary.

SAN JOSE, CA — Local man Jeremy Gibbons’ incredible hacky sack skills have somehow left him woefully unprepared for adult life.

LONDON, UK — In the wake of the swift capture and extradition of Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro, millions of ordinary British citizens have asked if Trump could please come do that same thing with Prime Minister Keir Starmer.

Here’s how to plan the perfect trip to Bonaire.

One adventurer finds America’s quiet king of the outdoors.

U.S. — Bewildered Democrats watched in utter confusion today as Venezuelans cheered the downfall of warm, cozy collectivism.

CARACAS — In a classic Trump move, the President ordered the Delta Force operators who captured Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro to say "You’re fired" upon deposing him.

The town of Glastonbury is one of the world’s great spiritual sites—and the mythic burial spot of the Holy Grail.

Before you sign your kids up for a daycare in Minnesota, it’s always important to first check if it’s a Somali front for defrauding the government. Here are eight signs to be on the lookout for:

SALEM, OR — Once again, a perfect day has been ruined by the existence of people.

Experts share the high-impact adventures topping their wish lists right now—from wildlife-rich jungles to polar expeditions that pair adrenaline with serious comfort.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Local factory worker Hector Flintstock has been working hard, following the law, saving money, and paying taxes for 50 years, and is finally able to achieve his lifelong retirement dream of funding a fraudulent Somali daycare center.

It’s the end of December, which means people all over the world are making their lists of New Year’s resolutions for 2026 — and President Donald Trump is no different.

ST. PAUL, MN — In response to growing allegations of fraud tied to Minnesota’s Somali community, Governor Tim Walz announced he had awarded an $8 billion grant to a Somali company to find the perpetrators.

SARATOGA SPRINGS, UT — Local wife Brittany Spencer was reportedly seen starting her Christmas planning for next year on December 26th.

We at The Babylon Bee would like to let Governor Tim Walz know that we are now a fully functioning daycare in Minnesota serving literally millions of children.

As we close out 2025, the time has come to announce the greatest of all awards, that prize far more coveted than a mere Nobel Prize or Oscar. After hours of intense debate, countless votes, and the sacking of two employees, we are now ready to reveal The Babylon Bee’s Persons of the Year:

The Jungfrau Region won’t be a hidden gem for much longer.

KNOXVILLE, TN — It’s that time of year again, when astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson renews his annual tradition of going down people’s chimneys to tell their kids that Santa isn’t real.

NIGERIA — President Trump has given dozens of ISIS terrorists the gift of getting to meet Allah for Christmas.

U.S. — What had been a joyous holiday threatened to be thrown into panic, as urgent reports began trickling in that, despite her repeated statements to the contrary over the last month, your wife actually did want something for Christmas.

SAN CARLOS, CA — A person who apparently hates you got your kid a recorder for Christmas.

BETHLEHEM — Shepherds began to believe they may have found the Christ child after discovering a baby with a glowing halo hovering above its head.

ANCHORAGE, AK — A military spokesman confirmed Wednesday that Russian forces launched a successful sneak attack on Alaska while everyone at North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) was busy tracking Santa’s sleigh.

Here’s how to plan the perfect trip to St. Vincent and the Grenadines.

President Trump announced an exciting new Trump-class battleship that will be the largest, fastest, and most powerful battleship fleet in the world.

SPEARVILLE, KS — By the time his family woke up Tuesday morning, it had become clear to everyone that family patriarch Josh Billings had already lived seven full lifetimes.

The Garden City appeals to more than foodies and business travelers.

It goes without saying that Christians in America have it harder than anyone else, but the persecution always seems to get even worse during the Christmas season. Need proof? Look no further.

The curtain had not yet fallen on Turning Point USA’s AmFest 2025 before rumors swirled about how they were going to top it next year. How do you follow up such a wild show?