Fun

CASTRO MARIM, PORTUGAL — According to sources, American tourist Debrah Thompson’s mood soured Monday after seeing her husband gaze in wonderment at the Guadiana International Bridge, knowing in her heart that he would never look at her like she was a cool suspension bridge.

CAPERNAUM — Residents of several nearby villages were abuzz with excitement this week, as the traveling carpenter-turned-teacher Jesus of Nazareth healed a demon-possessed man by taking away his smartphone.

You don’t need reindeer to reach the North Pole—just a sense of adventure.

AMARILLO, TX — Local pastor Robbie Ashlock has installed a "Heresy Gong" in the sanctuary for whenever the associate pastor is up to preach.

LANSING, MI — Local mom Janet Fields has continued her decades-long tradition of making cranberry sauce for no one to eat.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene announcing her resignation in January, the average IQ in Congress is expected to rise about 7,000 points.

These ski resorts go all out for the holiday season.

SEATTLE, WA — In an effort to attract more male customers, Starbucks announced the release of its new Zyn Spice Frappuccino.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump administration announced plans this week for the president to host a thrilling game show for members of Congress in which the audience must help determine who he executes next.

There’s no more noble aspiration than that of one day becoming a professional journalist, but many may feel intimidated or unequipped to pursue such an impressive career.

U.S. — The results of a national survey revealed that nearly 90% of moviegoers were curious about what happened to the guy who made Aliens and Terminator 2, and then apparently just completely stopped making movies for some reason.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump had been looking forward to releasing all of the Epstein files in accordance with Congress’s "Epstein Files Transparency Act", but reported that a dog actually ate the files, the dog was then lost in a boating accident, and then the boat was struck with a nuclear warhead.

MEKELLE, ETHIOPIA — Starving African children bravely banded together this week to raise money to feed singer and actress Ariana Grande.

We got a first look at the Disney Destiny, Disney Cruise Line’s newest ship.

Michael and Beth Richardson’s military training prepared them for always being away from home. The couple has visited 50 countries in the last 2.5 years.

MORRISTOWN, NJ — Drug manufacturer Bayer announced this week that they are releasing their popular Flintstones vitamins with added Ozempic to help slim down fat kids.

JERUSALEM — In a development which many see as an irrefutable sign of the impeding end times, biblical scholars and historians have reached a consensus that the Number of the Beast is actually 67.

Deep in the rain forest of Argentina, I harvested yerba mate, paddled the Iguazú River, and connected with an Indigenous culture.

OXFORD — After much deliberation, an international team of Bible scholars has recently determined that an alleged third letter of Paul to the Corinthians was rejected for being obviously AI-generated.

You may think President Trump has little in common with Moses from the Old Testament, but you’d be wrong. The two are practically carbon copies of each other. Here are just eight of the ways that Trump is exactly like Moses:

U.S. – In a huge blow to President Trump, newly released emails indicate that he was not well-liked by a pedophile.

AUBURN HILLS, MI — Truck manufacturer Dodge unveiled new headlights today that would come standard with new models and were designed specifically to blast gamma ray bursts into your eyeballs.

ALEXANDRIA, VA — Inspired by the Trump White House’s move toward 50-year mortgages, popular burger chain Five Guys announced it would be addressing the ongoing "Five Guys Affordability Crisis" with convenient 50-year burger financing.

The Ten Commandments have long been seen as the backbone of societal laws for thousands of years, but did you know that there were other commandments that didn’t make the list?

DALLAS, TX — The children’s pastor of Flame Passion Born Again Friends Fellowship Church caught the community’s attention after she gave an inspiring children’s church teaching that was once again jam-packed with heresies.

Here’s yet another reason to book that trip to Mallorca.

U.S. — Longtime UFC commentator Joe Rogan has officially signed a contract with Spirit Airlines to cover mid-air fights.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the Senate approving a new funding bill and sending it across the hall for a House of Representatives vote set for Wednesday night, a group of top Democrats somberly removed their sombreros to signal the end of the government shutdown.

PEARLY GATES — Heavenly sources confirmed that Saint Peter had grown weary running the front desk of Heaven due to the number of questions he continually received about the Nephilim.

MIAMI, FL — Now that a majority of players have been arrested on charges of illegal sports gambling, the Miami Heat announced that the golden retriever affectionately known as "Air Bud" had finally been called up to play in the NBA.

A computer simulation shows how urban life has eroded our ties to the outdoors—and how we could reverse it by 2050.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The record-length shutdown of the federal government was finally set to reach its conclusion, as Senate Democrats agreed to end the shutdown in exchange for a 15% off coupon to Cracker Barrel.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bid to bring down housing costs for struggling Americans trying to afford to purchase a home, President Donald Trump unveiled a plan that would normalize the utilization of eternal mortgages.

GREENSBORO, NC — A local mother and father joined the crowd gathered for another round of musical recital performances on Saturday, as their son patiently awaited his turn to butcher "Für Elise."

PHOENIX, AZ — New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani has officially been named this year’s top U-Haul salesman, ending a record-breaking five-year streak from California Governor Gavin Newsom.

NEW YORK, NY — In a reversal of yesterday’s announcement, Rockstar Games revealed that the hotly anticipated Grand Theft Auto VI is, in fact, available now. Rockstar President and co-founder Sam Houser confirmed that the game was finally completed and ready for digital download immediately — unfortunately, the trumpet of God has sounded and everyone is now out of time.

Check out these safari spots for minimum crowds and maximum game-viewing.

NEW YORK, NY — In a celebratory speech following his historic win in New York City’s mayoral election, Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani promised residents that there was no problem too large for government to make worse.

KANSAS CITY, MO — With the conclusion of the World Series, the Major League Baseball season had officially come to an end, leaving one local man looking forward to being sorely disappointed by his favorite team’s offseason moves.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the city’s election of an avowed and unrepentant socialist, the U.S. State Department issued an immediate and urgent travel advisory for New York City.